A New Year

I find the concept of a new year a curious one. I mean, the date actually does change and the calendar starts over, but at the same time, the difference between December 31 and January 1 is still only one day. How much can change in one day? In my case, everything! And as a result, I have come to live one day at a time because it is the only way to deal with time that makes sense to me now. Partly because of this, New Year's resolutions don't really make a lot of sense to me. I don't really see January 1 as a new beginning as much as just another day. The next day. With the same goals, to do whatever God sets before me to do and to honour my son in my life. And of course there is always the silent goal of just getting my grief through each day, letting God carry me.  

I realize that many of us who are carrying grief don't always know if we have made any progress or not over the course of time. Progress isn't really the right word, maybe growth is a better one. Because our hearts are still broken, we don't always see the places where we have grown around it. So, even though January 1 is just another day for me, I do see the value of looking back over the past year to remind myself of how far I've come.

Have I gotten better at handling awkward and misguided comments about my loss? Yes, I have.

Have I honoured Mikael's memory in different ways? Yes I have.

Were there moments of joy? Yes

Did I find things to smile at despite the number of tears that were shed? Yes I did.

Have I tried my best to show God's love? Yes

It's as simple as this. Take a moment to look back over your own year and ask these simple questions. Did you try your best? Then there was growth!