Grief Devotional

My book “A Beautiful Pain” will be coming out for sale in the next few weeks. I have now started putting together a 30-day devotional for parents who have lost a child. I thought today I would provide a sneak preview and share one of the days with you.

Changes

When I lost Mikael, I struggled with my identity during the first year of grieving. Our identities are more than just our roles in a family for sure, but there is still identity in being a parent and for most of us it is a very strong and positive part of our identity. I most certainly found much of my identity in being a mom so when Mikael was gone it felt like part of myself was also gone. All of the ways that we would have interacted with each other and all of the things we would have done together as mother and son were wiped out on that day. Over. This caused an uncertainty in me and a need to redefine myself to some extent.

There is no doubt that grief changes us. It changes our perspectives on things and our responses to things. Every part of losing my son affected how I saw myself and the world around me. As I was coming to know new parts of myself, I turned to God’s word for guidance and one of the most important concepts that I found helpful is that God knows everything about me, including the new me, and that he loves me exactly as I am. This is also true for you. God knows you inside and out and his love for you includes all of you.

If you are finding your way with a changed self after losing a child, there is much comfort to be found in scripture. One I have found to be helpful to me in my self-identity is Psalms 139: 1-16

Psalms 139 

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

You, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

And you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

Too lofty for me to attain

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

If I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “surely the darkness will hide me

And the light become night around me,”

Even the darkness will not be dark to you;

The night will shine like the day,

For darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

You knit me together in my mother’s womb

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

When I was made in the secret place,

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

Before one of them came to be.