Peace

The other day, my daily devotional was on John 14: 27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Over the last several days I have been thinking a lot about peace and what Jesus was talking about when he said this to the disciples. Peace seems pretty attainable when we are up on the mountaintop overlooking the sunrise on the horizon, or when we are sipping a glass of wine gazing at the sun setting over the water. Peace can be achieved when no one is asking us for anything, when it is quiet and calm around us. But of course, this was not the kind of peace that Jesus was referring to; he was promising the disciples his peace which is not from this world. He was promising a peace that we can hold on to when we are in the middle of the storm; a peace that could settle our hearts and remove our fear. This is a peace that I regularly pray for and try to keep my heart open to accepting.

Part of my challenge is that losing my son makes me feel like I am permanently walking through the storm. This is not a hardship or difficulty creating a temporary tempest that I can emerge from. I find it interesting when people talk about going through a hard season. This is not a season, this is a forever burden to be carried. And so I need to be able to accept and feel the peace Christ offers me every day but there are simply some days where I cannot. Not because Jesus has left me or that his peace isn't there for me, but purely because I am human. And there are days where this journey seems insurmountable and I wonder if I am up for the task. I have known since the beginning that I need Jesus to carry me and that I must cultivate gratitude, joy, forgiveness, faith and hope every day and I strive to do this. I suppose that if I were to ask for prayer, it would be a prayer for stamina and endurance to help me persevere in this walk with grief in a way that is honouring to God and to my son. Perhaps it is what every parent facing this loss would ask for.

to return to website main page: amothersgriefjourney.com