Resting My Mind

Have you ever been out for a walk and had a fly continually buzzing around your head? You can hear its zzzzzz in your ears the entire time, each step along the way. Every so often, it gets caught in your hair and you flap your hands around trying to get it free. Imagine walking for miles with this fly constantly present, never leaving you in blessed silence. For those of us who have lost one of our children, this is what the continual presence of our child in our minds can be like. They are literally in our thoughts all the time; ongoing in our brains all day long. It can actually feel like we might lose our minds if we can't stop thinking about them for a moment. This part of grief can be relentless. I have honestly found myself thinking, "Mikael, I love you so much, but can you just go away for a few minutes so I can breathe!" I have no idea if this persistent thought process ever changes as I'm not quite three years into this lifetime walk. What I have found that helps me give my brain a rest here and there are activities that require one hundred percent focus. Puzzles (both online and hands on), games (online or board games) requiring concentration, reading (depending on the book) and projects around the house that consist of physical labour, measurement, planning and constructing. I'm sure other parents find different activities but these are the ones that work for me. It's okay to give ourselves permission to allow our brains a needed rest from our grief.

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