What I’ve Learned

First and foremost, I have learned to put myself completely in the hands of Jesus to carry me every single day.

I have learned to forgive myself and others. I cannot continue carrying the load of this loss without ridding myself of resentments and guilt. I have learned to hand these matters over to the Lord. Even when it is hard to do. I have had to ask myself if I want to live with anger inside me or if I want to live in freedom. I am choosing freedom.

I am learning to live one day at a time. It becomes overwhelming to think about how long it will be before I see my son again. So, day by day, focusing on that day only.

It has become so clear to me that there are amazing, brave, warrior parents out there who are walking this walk with me. Total respect!

I have learned to allow myself grace. Grace to feel every part of the agony of my loss and allow myself to sit with those feelings when I need to. Grace to accept days when I can’t function.

I have learned that this path of grief is not a linear one. The burden of grief we carry changes in weight, size and shape on any given day. God is always sufficient to carry my grief.

I have learned to change my expectations of others. Those who have not lost one of their children cannot fathom the extent of the loss we bear. I cannot expect them to and I don’t ever want them to. I have learned to accept the compassion and comfort extended to me by in the spirit with which it is offered. In love and grace.