Christmas is such a complicated time for those grieving. There may be social and/or family gatherings that you wish to attend, but you’re worried about how you will cope. Your personal circumstances may also require you to take part in certain aspects of Christmas, whether you want to or not. Here are some ideas to help you plan for attendance at a holiday gathering.

Make a plan that includes all of the people you will be attending with. Talk about what your expectations are, when you want to arrive, leave, etc.

Decide if you wish to host, or attend. There are pros and cons to each. Hosting allows you to be in familiar surroundings, but you can’t control when guests leave. Attending puts you in less familiar surroundings, but you are able to leave when you wish.

If you are attending, when you arrive, park in a location that allows you to leave when you want to. You don’t want to find yourself blocked in by another vehicle.

Plan when you wish to arrive and leave. Be flexible. You may be doing better than you expected and wish to stay longer. You, or someone else in your party, may need to leave sooner than anticipated.

If possible, have a point person with you. This is someone who is checking in on you throughout the evening if it looks like you are ready to leave. They can also intervene in any awkward conversations.

Find a place where you can go for a time out if needed. Sometimes, you just need a few minutes to gather yourself, have a cry, take a breath. Bathrooms are good places for this.

Have some practiced answers ready for the question, “how are you"?” Chances are, you will be asked more than once. Being prepared with a few responses that you are comfortable with can relieve a lot of stress.

Dress comfortably. This may sound trite, but navigating your grief through the evening is hard enough; being itchy, hot or constricted will make it even harder.

Remember, this plan is for you (or you and your family). Make it work for your own needs. Take what works. Leave the rest.