Parents and Siblings

Today I want to talk about the juxtaposition of parental and sibling grief. Of course I know all about parental grief, but I have not experienced sibling grief, although my son Davis certainly has. I think often about this. When a child dies, parents and siblings individually cope with their own grief while simultaneously feeling responsible to support the other in theirs. I know how shattering it is to lose a child and I can only imagine the devastation of losing a sibling. This is more than shared DNA; it is a life of shared history, memories, friendship, blood, sweat and tears.

In the early days after Mikael died, I recall wondering if I was letting Davis down. Was I so caught up in my own pain that I wasn't offering him the support he needed? He would never have said anything - that's not his way. I believe he also felt compelled to focus on me and look after me. I can only hope he didn't sacrifice his own needs for mine. This is a reality of grief within a family. As a mom, I was coping with the heartache over losing Mikael while at the same time anguishing over the grief Davis was immersed in. And Davis was doing the same. Double affliction. Worry added on to sorrow.

I have shared often about Mikael; passed on his story, described his character, conveyed the memories. I have not spoken as much about Davis. And, Davis is most worthy of speaking about! The older brother - quietly supportive, loyal, partner in crime, friend, protector.

Davis and Mikael were best friends. Don't get me wrong, there were times they fought like cats and dogs. I recall a certain incident ending in a broken coffee table! But their disagreements were short lived - a brief altercation and then shooting hoops in the yard, heading down for a swim or playing Xbox, laughing together. As brothers do. Mikael was Davis's best man and when he spoke at the wedding he shared so clearly the love and respect he had for him. He told us how at Christmas they sometimes got the same gift. Mikael's would invariably break and Davis would give him his. This is the person Davis is - kind and generous. He is dependable and trustworthy, funny and smart. Watching him be the best Dad ever has been such a joy! I am thankful that Mikael has such a brother and that I have such a son!