The One Thing

I often see posts on Instagram and Facebook about the one thing bereaved parents wished people knew about them. There are a number of responses to this, however, one of the concepts that comes up regularly is that we want people to know we think about our children who have died all the time. Today, I'd like to clarify this a bit further.

The truth is that all parents think about their children all the time! So, how is this different? It is not the fact that we think about them all the time so much as how we think about them. Before Mikael died, I thought about both Davis and Mikael every day. I might have been concerned over a problem they had, prayed for God's will in their lives, planned to spend time together, thought about something they had done for me, felt pride in an accomplishment, laughed at something they had said. I continue to think about Davis ever day in this way. What is missing in my daily thoughts of Davis that is very much a part of my ongoing thoughts of Mikael is the constant sense of utter longing. Every thought of Mikael is intertwined with the yearning to see him, hear his voice, talk to him, be with him.

This sense of longing is an ache that is always with us. Like a tattoo or birthmark, it is part of our flesh. It is with us as we laugh with friends around the campfire, sit in a meeting, gather with family for dinner, shop at the grocery store. At times it is quietly present and others loudly insistent in our consciousness, but always, always in existence. We have come to the understanding that this is now the way we will move through this world.

This is what we mean as bereaved parents when we tell you this is an important detail we need you to know about us.