Still Learning

Last week I supply taught for the entire week for one of the local high schools. This was the first time since Mikael died that I worked a week straight. Right after he died, I was still working for six months prior to retirement, however, my role as unit president allowed a great deal of schedule flexibility and I wasn't in front of a classroom. After retirement my time has been taken up with family, writing, grief ministry and the odd supply teaching day. When I accepted the seven-day assignment, I wasn't sure how I would do but thought I should give it a go. Well, what I discovered is that being in a position in which I have to "be on" day after day is not beneficial to me right now. It wasn't the getting up in the morning and arriving to work on time, it was the requirement to perform day after day.

The rhythm I have developed over the past three years has been one that incorporates down times, allowing me to regroup. It might be time for a walk after delivering a workshop, or a day at home in between other activities. These moments have been invaluable as I continue processing my grief and coping with the loss of Mikael. Not to mention, much needed spiritual refreshment that allows me to continue in grief ministry.

No regret for the experience; how do we know if we don't try things? I certainly know that what works, or doesn't work for me, is not the same for everyone else. We learn as we go. At times, the only way for me to figure out my path is to take a crack at something and evaluate how it went. And what's not working for me right now, might down the road, so it's also about being open to second chances here and there. Grief is such an ongoing journey of constant discovery, self-realization and understanding.